I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason