I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back