He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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