saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.