I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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