I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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