But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
