wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
