I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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