these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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