BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
