How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
