just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Are we still banned from the library?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
