Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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