I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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