The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
