I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
