TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
