She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
