tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
