I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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