I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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