i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
only you would photoshop your dick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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