oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
