i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
