great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
