OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
