Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
