So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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