I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
