Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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