absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize