We're facebook friends in real life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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