my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
