My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
