i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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