if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize