he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
