i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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