I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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