take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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