If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
