she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
