Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we're so committed to being not committed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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