Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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