i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize