I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My friends, they love my intelligence
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
