Can i not drive my cunt home
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
