Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
