youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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