I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize