you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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