no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Text me some of your sweat
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
