The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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