I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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