dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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