So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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