I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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