Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
