I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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